Lust. Infatuation. Or Love?

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ― Dr. Seuss

Look, I'm sorry I didn't pick up writing blog posts for a long time, and I'm pretty sure you will not be looking forward for this subject as much as you did for my other "inventive" short stories. So, if you have already started reading this, why not finish it?

I'm going to straight away start from the basics - The Definitions.

Lust - strong sexual desire.
Infatuation - an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.
Love - (n) a strong feeling of affection. (v) feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone).

Well, there is a lot of difference between each one of them. And that is something really complex to find out what kind of feeling we're "actually" feeling. Of course, every guy who's in infatuation says that he/she loves the other person just as much as a person who's "actually" in love. But what's that cuts the ice?

It's the feelings - in itself.

All you got to do to figure out all of this is to sit in a quiet place, and have some peaceful time with just you, and your mind. Doing a bit of research, I found out this interesting comparison - might as well share it here:

• Love develops gradually over time. Infatuation occurs almost instantaneously.
• Love can last a long time. It becomes deeper and more powerful over time. Infatuation is powerful, but short-lived.
• Love accepts the whole person, imperfections and all. Infatuation flourishes on perfection – you have an idealized image of your partner and you only show your partner your good side.
• Love is more than physical attraction. Infatuation focuses on the physical.
• Love is energizing. Infatuation is draining.
• Love improves your overall disposition. Infatuation brings out jealousy and obsessiveness. It causes you to neglect other relationships.
• Loves survives arguments. Infatuation glosses over arguments.
• Love considers the other person. Infatuation is selfish.
• Love is being in love with a person. Infatuation is being in love with love.

So are you in love? Or is it just an infatuation. Let's find out.

Infatuation deals with that happy face of love. It gives you a million reasons to smile, it gives you day dreams, and it gives you another dozen reasons to be stupid. It is, of course, a short lived feeling for someone and is often termed as "crushes" towards other mates.

Infatuation is a wonderful feeling as long as it is not mistaken for love. Infatuation is when all you see is your crush's perfections. All you do when you see him/her with others is get jealous. All you care about is seeing him/her again just so that you can get that rush of adrenaline. Infatuation is when you get all possessive about him/her. You love him/her for the reason why you fell for them. You don't really acknowledge him/her for the way he/she actually is. You try to hide faults, and show only the perfect side of yours. You see butterflies when he/she walks past, and well just everything that is shown in the movies. It's when you start becoming obsessive about that person. But all that hardly lasts for a longer time. Some day, it'll just end. And that. Precisely that, is what separates it from love.

But love, it's something totally different. Love is a serious thing. It's a really serious thing that grows gradually as the time goes by. It's when you accept the other person with all his/her flaws, all their perfections, and imperfections. It's when you don't care who he's/she's talking to, you don't really get jealous, but you look for his/her happiness instead.  You can sacrifice everything of yours just to make her/him feel better about themselves.

It's when before you taste something good, you think about your love's reaction towards that happy incident - you'll think about how happy he/she would feel if they tried this out. It's when you put him/her before yourself. It's when you devote your entire life to the person you love the most. Love is all about security, trust and loyalty. In infatuation, there will be a lot of reasons for you to break up. But when you're in love, even if there's only one reason to hold on, it'll be enough for you to not break up. Love is when you purposefully lose an argument against him/her just so that you both don't fight.

Love is celebration. Unlike infatuation, which drains you out if you don't get to see that person you desire for, love keeps you happy. Love keeps you going. Love is when you do little sacrifices and never let your pride take control of yourself. Love is when you start changing for the better. Love is the fuel, and mind is the vehicle. Love is commitment. Love is when you choose "we" over "me". Love is when you both work together to build a good life.

Love is that strength which keeps you going when everything around you goes to hell. Love is that feeling which keeps you in check. Before you do any action, you think the consequences that would affect "we" instead of "me". It's when you lose all those selfish thoughts about yourself and make sacrifices for the person you love and you would really not boast about these sacrifices because boasting is not what you did them for, it's the care and affection you've got for them that made you do the sacrifices.

Love is when you have confidence in him/her even when you both might not be together. It's about holding on tight when everyone tell you to leave. Love is when you panic if you aren't aware of what your love's condition is. It's when you start crying (being a guy or a girl, never be shy of crying) over the thought of your love getting hurt. Love is that feeling which makes you who you are.

Love is experienced in the present moment. It makes you forget all those sad memories and tension of the future, and just let's you be who you are. Love makes you complete.

So, that was about it. I know, a pretty long post about "love","infatuation" and all, but hey, lust is still left out. But, that is not a very big deal either.

Lust is basically a strong desire towards the opposite gender because of their physical attraction, and nothing more. It lasts for a very little time, and can sometimes grow into infatuation. That's all.

So all my lovers out there, happy Hallowe'en! Cheers!

References:
http://www.srcp.org/for_some_parents/developmental_disabilities/the_specifics/infatuationDD.html
http://www.diffen.com/difference/Infatuation_vs_Love
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/janet-ong-zimmerman/am-i-love-how-know-sure#.VFOP6_mUeSo

I'm alive!

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.” ― Erma Bombeck

I'm still alive. I cannot feel anything, but I can certainly hear everything. I have cancer. Brain tumour, to its severe stages. The people already consider me dead. No they haven't informed my family. I can hear them talk and they seem to plan on telling them this afternoon as soon as they confirm my death.

I cannot move any part of my body, not even my eyes. My heart skips almost every alternate beat and is slowing down every second. I can feel no pain. The doctors closed my eyes to prevent extra pressure on the optic centre of my brain, which was close to the sight of infection, earlier.

I know I am going to die, but I still am alive. I try lifting my hand, but I'm scared. I heard the doctors tell my family that even the slightest pressure in this stage can cause permanent damage, and I will eventually die.  I do not believe them. I command my hand to lift itself, but it's impossible. One part of my brain, the ventral tegmental area, dies with that very thought of action.

My heart starts beating fast, and I can hear the beep of the machine go louder. All I can hear is the doctors panicking, as I can make out from their conversation. All of a sudden, I feel a low thud, and my heart stops. Within very few seconds, I lose my hearing sensation, and all I can see is darkness. I do not even know what colour it is.

But, I'm still alive, and they do not know it. I am energy. I feel very light, and I can feel negative. Probably those are the electron working. But, overall I am neutral. Within few seconds I feel something. I feel my senses back. My atoms clinch together firmly, and I can see light. A white light, to be precise. I fly into it. Everything else is darkness.

I have always wondered what Heaven looked like, or even Hell for that matter. Probably that is what I am heading for. As I enter the white light, I can see all the things that I had done as a human. Every single thing is playing on the fast forward mode. Wait, I pause. My family has arrived in the hospital and all of them are broken. Heart broken.

I look at them, and smile. No smile, actually. I am just a small collection of tight atoms, and the rest of them are trying to catch up with my other atoms. Suddenly, the white light vanishes and I come back to darkness, There is only darkness. I cannot move, there is no body to move.  I only float. Like float in water.

Suddenly, I see yellow light, and a door opening. My friend comes inside, as I realise I am back to my old house. My uncle had brought this soon after we left it. I feel good coming back to earth. I float to another side of the house, when my friend gets so scared that he slams three fat books towards my direction. I am invisible, and all I can feel is a feather touch, and the three books fly past me.

I want to tell him that I am not here to scare him. Actually I, myself, don't know why I am brought here. I even call out his name, but no sound comes out. He feels it, I know it. Because the next second I see him under the bed, crying. I feel pity for him, so I head towards the main door of the house.

As I try walking past it I get stuck in the thick wood of the door, Or maybe because somebody does not want me to leave this place. I wonder why. I stay there, in one corner. Seeing nothing, feeling nothing, hearing nothing, and moving nothing. I have no emotions, no body to start with, and every few seconds I change forms into something different. My colour is transparent and I feel neutral: atoms are neutral.

I knew there would be no Hell, or Heaven, either. If there was, then why didn't I see it? Does God exist? Is he the one who transferred me here? I'll bet no, he isn't. I did not meet any one. I did not even go through any places. All I remember seeing was my life's recap, and the white light which brought me here. As I start thinking, I realise that these people of the house want me out of the place. They keep referring to me as Evil Spirit, and they also brought a holy man to do some matras to remove me out of this place.

After half an hour of the long religious program, I feel even more light. I feel broken when my atoms start losing electrons, and they turn into something else. Within few minutes I am totally apart. Every atom is no more, and every electron has ran into something else. With the few atoms I can recollect, I gradually lose my ability to attract my kinds, and all I can do is, brake.

Five minutes after the holy program, I vanish. I don't know what I am turned into. I lose all my memory, and everything I possibly had. Everything is dark again. Pitch black. The next second, I realise I am in a skin coloured bag. I do not know what it is. I am pushed outside my a force, and all I can see is doctors smiling. I start crying because I do not know what has happened, or where I am for that matter, too.

I look down, and I recognize my mother. I smile to her telling her as if I know where I have come, back to square one. And that is how I take rebirth as a human. Energy that I was converted into, had lost its potential, and had attracted itself into the atoms of a small baby girl.