Maps

"The tragedy is not that the people do not love us but because we fall in love with those who are not able to love us."

"WHAT???" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The phone slipped from my hand. It fell down with a thud so loud that my heart skipped a beat. My eye sight blurred. The very thought of imagining her in that condition left me dead inside out.

Panicking was the only thing I could do - and did. I reached the spot in an impatient fifteen minutes. Those fifteen minutes were probably the most, the most, THE MOST longest fifteen minutes of my whole lifetime.

"Where's it? Where's it?" I asked every random stranger my eyes could see "Where's the fucking emergency room?" I couldn't keep sight of my direction as I was walking clumsily. Somebody held my hand and directed me towards that room - don't remember who that person was. I wish I could thank him - but I had better jobs to do.

I looked at her. Covered in blood. Her eyes as wide as a church door, but probably suggesting something completely opposite. The idea wasn't clear - my mind couldn't interpret it. I looked at her - and just couldn't stop looking. I could't and didn't think of anything. Didn't talk, din't believe, didn't ask, didn't move - just looked. My eyesight was blurred again as my knees lost the power to handle my weight.

Somebody picked me up, but I punched him. I was angry. This couldn't be happening. No, not at this time! Not when everything was going to be fine! Not when she promised me she'll be there. Not when I found my love. Not, just not now! I shouted, I cried, and she just looked at me - expressionless.

I felt dizzy. I punched the wall.

"This couldn't be happening!" I scream but my voice died inside my throat. Too scared to even reach her ears. "How the fuck did this happen? What happened to her!!! REVIVE HER! FUCKING DOCS!!"

I shouted, looked at the doctors, even pulled one's collar, the guards ran towards me to stop me. I punched one of them. Someone grabbed my left hand -  I kick him and fall to the ground as I hear the bullet pierce through my tibia. I cry. I cry. I cry. I look up, the bright light fade into darkness, The light bulb on the top wasn't bothering me any more.

I try getting up. I look at her. I want to touch her. I collapse.

***

No, I didn't die. No - I didn't lose consciousness. No I didn't faint. I collapsed. Mentally. All my brain cells were so tightly tangled inside - and on top of each other that I could't do anything about it. I was thinking, but couldn't move myself. I was listening - but couldn't respond. I was seeing - but couldn't believe.

I gathered all the strength I had, to get up. The blood loss wasn't bothering me. The guards had me on a a stretcher. I broke through them and just before slipping from my own blood  I managed to grab hold of the bed's corner. I get up. I look at her. Into her eyes - like I had never seen them.

They were telling me something. They were scared. They were't closed. They had fear. They needed someone to make them believe in life again. They needed somebody to love. They needed me. They loved me. They needed me. And when I'm here for her - she's not.

Now when I need her, she's not. Now when I need to re-believe, she's not here. Now when I need to love her, she's not here. Now when I'm giving it my hundred percent, she's not here. This is not fair. Life is not fair. It was never.

I finally fall on the ground for one last time. My eyes shut, and my heart beats dropped. Later, my body was placed right next to hers. I had to. I couldn't evade it. It was the promise I made to her. To be there for her till the end. It was the promise I made to myself. To be there for her, even after the end.

And after all, "I was just following the map that leads to you!"

Lust. Infatuation. Or Love?

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ― Dr. Seuss

Look, I'm sorry I didn't pick up writing blog posts for a long time, and I'm pretty sure you will not be looking forward for this subject as much as you did for my other "inventive" short stories. So, if you have already started reading this, why not finish it?

I'm going to straight away start from the basics - The Definitions.

Lust - strong sexual desire.
Infatuation - an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.
Love - (n) a strong feeling of affection. (v) feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone).

Well, there is a lot of difference between each one of them. And that is something really complex to find out what kind of feeling we're "actually" feeling. Of course, every guy who's in infatuation says that he/she loves the other person just as much as a person who's "actually" in love. But what's that cuts the ice?

It's the feelings - in itself.

All you got to do to figure out all of this is to sit in a quiet place, and have some peaceful time with just you, and your mind. Doing a bit of research, I found out this interesting comparison - might as well share it here:

• Love develops gradually over time. Infatuation occurs almost instantaneously.
• Love can last a long time. It becomes deeper and more powerful over time. Infatuation is powerful, but short-lived.
• Love accepts the whole person, imperfections and all. Infatuation flourishes on perfection – you have an idealized image of your partner and you only show your partner your good side.
• Love is more than physical attraction. Infatuation focuses on the physical.
• Love is energizing. Infatuation is draining.
• Love improves your overall disposition. Infatuation brings out jealousy and obsessiveness. It causes you to neglect other relationships.
• Loves survives arguments. Infatuation glosses over arguments.
• Love considers the other person. Infatuation is selfish.
• Love is being in love with a person. Infatuation is being in love with love.

So are you in love? Or is it just an infatuation. Let's find out.

Infatuation deals with that happy face of love. It gives you a million reasons to smile, it gives you day dreams, and it gives you another dozen reasons to be stupid. It is, of course, a short lived feeling for someone and is often termed as "crushes" towards other mates.

Infatuation is a wonderful feeling as long as it is not mistaken for love. Infatuation is when all you see is your crush's perfections. All you do when you see him/her with others is get jealous. All you care about is seeing him/her again just so that you can get that rush of adrenaline. Infatuation is when you get all possessive about him/her. You love him/her for the reason why you fell for them. You don't really acknowledge him/her for the way he/she actually is. You try to hide faults, and show only the perfect side of yours. You see butterflies when he/she walks past, and well just everything that is shown in the movies. It's when you start becoming obsessive about that person. But all that hardly lasts for a longer time. Some day, it'll just end. And that. Precisely that, is what separates it from love.

But love, it's something totally different. Love is a serious thing. It's a really serious thing that grows gradually as the time goes by. It's when you accept the other person with all his/her flaws, all their perfections, and imperfections. It's when you don't care who he's/she's talking to, you don't really get jealous, but you look for his/her happiness instead.  You can sacrifice everything of yours just to make her/him feel better about themselves.

It's when before you taste something good, you think about your love's reaction towards that happy incident - you'll think about how happy he/she would feel if they tried this out. It's when you put him/her before yourself. It's when you devote your entire life to the person you love the most. Love is all about security, trust and loyalty. In infatuation, there will be a lot of reasons for you to break up. But when you're in love, even if there's only one reason to hold on, it'll be enough for you to not break up. Love is when you purposefully lose an argument against him/her just so that you both don't fight.

Love is celebration. Unlike infatuation, which drains you out if you don't get to see that person you desire for, love keeps you happy. Love keeps you going. Love is when you do little sacrifices and never let your pride take control of yourself. Love is when you start changing for the better. Love is the fuel, and mind is the vehicle. Love is commitment. Love is when you choose "we" over "me". Love is when you both work together to build a good life.

Love is that strength which keeps you going when everything around you goes to hell. Love is that feeling which keeps you in check. Before you do any action, you think the consequences that would affect "we" instead of "me". It's when you lose all those selfish thoughts about yourself and make sacrifices for the person you love and you would really not boast about these sacrifices because boasting is not what you did them for, it's the care and affection you've got for them that made you do the sacrifices.

Love is when you have confidence in him/her even when you both might not be together. It's about holding on tight when everyone tell you to leave. Love is when you panic if you aren't aware of what your love's condition is. It's when you start crying (being a guy or a girl, never be shy of crying) over the thought of your love getting hurt. Love is that feeling which makes you who you are.

Love is experienced in the present moment. It makes you forget all those sad memories and tension of the future, and just let's you be who you are. Love makes you complete.

So, that was about it. I know, a pretty long post about "love","infatuation" and all, but hey, lust is still left out. But, that is not a very big deal either.

Lust is basically a strong desire towards the opposite gender because of their physical attraction, and nothing more. It lasts for a very little time, and can sometimes grow into infatuation. That's all.

So all my lovers out there, happy Hallowe'en! Cheers!

References:
http://www.srcp.org/for_some_parents/developmental_disabilities/the_specifics/infatuationDD.html
http://www.diffen.com/difference/Infatuation_vs_Love
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/janet-ong-zimmerman/am-i-love-how-know-sure#.VFOP6_mUeSo

I'm alive!

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.” ― Erma Bombeck

I'm still alive. I cannot feel anything, but I can certainly hear everything. I have cancer. Brain tumour, to its severe stages. The people already consider me dead. No they haven't informed my family. I can hear them talk and they seem to plan on telling them this afternoon as soon as they confirm my death.

I cannot move any part of my body, not even my eyes. My heart skips almost every alternate beat and is slowing down every second. I can feel no pain. The doctors closed my eyes to prevent extra pressure on the optic centre of my brain, which was close to the sight of infection, earlier.

I know I am going to die, but I still am alive. I try lifting my hand, but I'm scared. I heard the doctors tell my family that even the slightest pressure in this stage can cause permanent damage, and I will eventually die.  I do not believe them. I command my hand to lift itself, but it's impossible. One part of my brain, the ventral tegmental area, dies with that very thought of action.

My heart starts beating fast, and I can hear the beep of the machine go louder. All I can hear is the doctors panicking, as I can make out from their conversation. All of a sudden, I feel a low thud, and my heart stops. Within very few seconds, I lose my hearing sensation, and all I can see is darkness. I do not even know what colour it is.

But, I'm still alive, and they do not know it. I am energy. I feel very light, and I can feel negative. Probably those are the electron working. But, overall I am neutral. Within few seconds I feel something. I feel my senses back. My atoms clinch together firmly, and I can see light. A white light, to be precise. I fly into it. Everything else is darkness.

I have always wondered what Heaven looked like, or even Hell for that matter. Probably that is what I am heading for. As I enter the white light, I can see all the things that I had done as a human. Every single thing is playing on the fast forward mode. Wait, I pause. My family has arrived in the hospital and all of them are broken. Heart broken.

I look at them, and smile. No smile, actually. I am just a small collection of tight atoms, and the rest of them are trying to catch up with my other atoms. Suddenly, the white light vanishes and I come back to darkness, There is only darkness. I cannot move, there is no body to move.  I only float. Like float in water.

Suddenly, I see yellow light, and a door opening. My friend comes inside, as I realise I am back to my old house. My uncle had brought this soon after we left it. I feel good coming back to earth. I float to another side of the house, when my friend gets so scared that he slams three fat books towards my direction. I am invisible, and all I can feel is a feather touch, and the three books fly past me.

I want to tell him that I am not here to scare him. Actually I, myself, don't know why I am brought here. I even call out his name, but no sound comes out. He feels it, I know it. Because the next second I see him under the bed, crying. I feel pity for him, so I head towards the main door of the house.

As I try walking past it I get stuck in the thick wood of the door, Or maybe because somebody does not want me to leave this place. I wonder why. I stay there, in one corner. Seeing nothing, feeling nothing, hearing nothing, and moving nothing. I have no emotions, no body to start with, and every few seconds I change forms into something different. My colour is transparent and I feel neutral: atoms are neutral.

I knew there would be no Hell, or Heaven, either. If there was, then why didn't I see it? Does God exist? Is he the one who transferred me here? I'll bet no, he isn't. I did not meet any one. I did not even go through any places. All I remember seeing was my life's recap, and the white light which brought me here. As I start thinking, I realise that these people of the house want me out of the place. They keep referring to me as Evil Spirit, and they also brought a holy man to do some matras to remove me out of this place.

After half an hour of the long religious program, I feel even more light. I feel broken when my atoms start losing electrons, and they turn into something else. Within few minutes I am totally apart. Every atom is no more, and every electron has ran into something else. With the few atoms I can recollect, I gradually lose my ability to attract my kinds, and all I can do is, brake.

Five minutes after the holy program, I vanish. I don't know what I am turned into. I lose all my memory, and everything I possibly had. Everything is dark again. Pitch black. The next second, I realise I am in a skin coloured bag. I do not know what it is. I am pushed outside my a force, and all I can see is doctors smiling. I start crying because I do not know what has happened, or where I am for that matter, too.

I look down, and I recognize my mother. I smile to her telling her as if I know where I have come, back to square one. And that is how I take rebirth as a human. Energy that I was converted into, had lost its potential, and had attracted itself into the atoms of a small baby girl.

The Four Best Friends

"Treat your body as your best friend, and you'll never be alone!"

How many of us have had those classic 'Heart-Mind' battles in our lives. Well, most of us do have it everyday. Let me guess, its the heart which mostly wins, right? That is not true for some people, but mostly it is our hearts which leads from the front.

Leaving alone the fighters, how many of us have felt lonely at times? How many of us felt like we were all by ourselves in this earth? Did anyone of us felt like no one bothered about us any more? Regardless of the situation which causes us to produce such thoughts, everyone of us did, at least once, think about this stuff, right?

But, if I tell you that you are never alone. There is always someone with you, no matter you see them, or not. They are there, and they will listen to you.What if I tell you that they go everywhere you go, and that they will always be with you, and are ready to do anything you want? Shocking right? Honestly, who doesn't want a friend like that!

Then, folks, there are a few friends like that. Yes, you read that right, friends and not just a single friend. Well, they will not certainly be around you physically, nor will they speak to you normally, but they will certainly be there by your side, if you are willing to accept them.

So, the time has finally arrived. Let me introduce you to the four best friends of yourself.

Meet the Heart: He is a polite natured person. He loves to give love, and will certainly not do any bad to others. He always will find ways to do things in a polite, and peace full way. He is a hard working, selfless friend who is willing to sacrifice himself for you!

Meet the Eyes: The eyes are twins. We do not know their individual names, but they are always referred in a pair. These are soft, and emotions run through them. They help to see visions, and beautiful sights of the world. They are really kind, and often end up shedding tears as they are sensitive. A little care has to be taken to ensure that they do not cry! They can certainly be the best friend anyone ever wanted!

Meet the Hands: Like the eyes, they too are twins. They are a master of touch, and help you feel things. They do not speak much, nor do they ever complain, but they can be brutal if they are not given much importance. These are polite, but they are one of the major friends among the other three. They can be your friend and would rarely complain, just like a friend who is ours!

Meet the Life: He is the head of all the three friends. Even though he doesn't actually behave like he is proud to be the head, he is a grateful person who would do good to you if you are willing to do good to him! He is like a mirror, and would always give you the kind of emotions you ever wanted. The secret to being in a healthy friendship with life is that, if you ask him anything with full heart and belief, politely, he would readily give it to you, and trust me, even if he is late, he will still manage to provide the things you love!

So there we go, folks, those are you're best friends for ever! Oh yeah, I know you're wondering how can you talk, interact, or even greet them? Well then, its a hundred percent possible. Remember what I told you? Its possible only if you are willing to accept them.

Tips to meet your heart:
Well, the main trick here is to readily show gratitude towards everything you love. Once you start having the feeling of gratitude towards everything around you, you will certainly catch the heart's eyes. He'll be more interested in you. Honestly, he hates people who do not do things what they love and are not willing to show love to everyone around!

Once you start showing gratitude around you, you will be more happy and satisfied. That is when your heart will himself come and meet you. You will get to know that your heart has become your best friend when you start giving love to everyone and accept every good and bad thing, positive and negative thing, beautiful and ugly creature, and more of all, you will be satisfied by the way you are. With that said, you will become the best of friends with your heart.

Tips to meet your eyes:
To attract your eyes, the best thing to do here is to try to feel the sensitive things of the world. Feel in the sense absorb the way a thing looks by opening your eyes to have a quick glance of that thing, and then closing your eyes and feeling it. For example, take a look at a beautiful scenery.  And then close your eyes and imagine that you're actually there. Present right in that valley of beautiful scenery. You have two beautiful mountains beside you and you can see a clean narrow stream flowing right in front of you. Honestly, the more better you imagine, the more you attract your eyes.

And once you start accepting the beauty of the nature, you will indeed feel a lot better and then, guess what, you made another best friend, the eyes!

Tips to meet your hands:
The only thing which probably can attract your hands to take a look at you is the way you treat others. If you use your hands to punch people, or to hit them, or do any sort of violence, my friend, it will certainly not help you to make your eyes your best pal. So secret trick which has to be taken care of when you are willing to become best friends with your eyes is that, you do not make any unnecessary gestures which your hands, and always use them to help others and keep them under control. Soon enough, they will come to you. And when you feel happy helping the blind fine their way, and feel grateful when you earn something when you work hard with those hands, you will successfully become a good friend to them!

Tips to meet your life:
The best part of this friend is that he has helped you even before you knew him. Great, right? There are several ways you can become best friends with your life. Most of the people think he is bad, and then they start hating him before even knowing who he actually is. Please do not do that mistake!

There are too many ways to make life your best friend. I will type them later because I already think this post has become long enough to qualify for a "Boring" rating. So I will conclude by telling you that if you successfully become good friends with your heart, eyes, and hands, you will certainly come under the notice of the fourth friend, life.

Might sound like it is some crazy stuff written above, but trust me, you will feel a lot better with these four best friends than when you have to face life all alone!

P.S : "Life" used in the concluding paragraph is referred to something totally different than a life which can be a friend.

Love : Heart or Brain

"Love is an intense feeling of deep affection"

Did anyone ever wonder why the poor human organ "heart" is related to the terms love, affection, happiness, attraction, and all the other forms of intense feelings? Does the heart actually think and feel?

Most of us know the heart as an organ which pumps purified blood to all other parts of our body. But when the topic love comes up, we hear everyone telling sentences like "From the bottom of my heart...", " My heart beats for you...", etc. Why is it that there is a mention of the heart whenever the topic of love is discussed. It is indeed an interesting topic to wonder about.

People often call the heart as an innocent, blind creature. I do not know how far that is true. But what I do know is that the human heart is greedy. Yes, greedy for love. It needs love. When it gets love, it needs more love, and then more and more. That is why most of the people often fall in love, and the sad part of their story is that they often tend to be on the giving side, and not the receiving side. Either way, their hearts are giving love, or receiving love.

Talking about love, it is an intense feeling of deep affection. I am talking about loving a person, and not other aspects of love. How many of us actually think that it is in our hearts that we love someone? Well, you can keep your views. Lets go deeper into reality.

There are three parts, or sections, of our brain. The concious mind, the unconscious mind, and the subconscious mind. Let me brief you about the three. We will, for now, focus mainly on the subconscious mind as it is often blamed for every belief, and every feeling that you hate, or love.

The conscious mind consists of everything inside of our awareness. This is the aspect of our mental processing that we can think and talk about in a rational way.
The unconscious mind (or the unconscious) consists of the processes in the mind that occur automatically and are not available to introspection, and include thought processes, memory, affect, and motivation.

And now, coming to the subconscious mind: Think of the subconscious mind as the storage room of everything that is currently not in your conscious mind. The subconscious mind stores all of your previous life experiences, your beliefs, your memories, you skills, all situations you've been through and all images you've ever seen.

That might probably give you an information on the three main parts of our brains. Now, how is it related to love and heart? Well, the thing is, heart is never related to love according to me. It is just an misterm to the subconscious mind in the aspect of love. Heart is an organ which pumps blood, and in any way cannot be compared to the brain, which not only has to ability to control every processes in our body, but also an super power to think logically.

Then, why was it associated with love?  It seems to me that when most people say "heart" when referring to love, they are mostly talking about an obscure unseen part of them that houses their emotions. In the west, we consider the mind (or the intellect) and the heart to be two separate things. This, I'm pretty sure, comes from classical Greek philosophy, such as Plato and Aristotle. However, in ancient Hebrew, for example, as I understand it there was only one word for both the place in a human for the intellect and emotions, which is typically translated in the Bible as the "spirit," and that was what they associated with love.

So I guess the idea of "heart and love" is pretty much clear now to everyone who read this post. Now the main question, how is love a quest for more?

Did anyone fall in love? Most of them did, and those who didn't, will probably fall soon. Had anyone noticed that once we are in love, we want more and more love? Heartbreaks are often sure in most of the cases, but still, we do manage to move on and continue living life with love. How does that occur? Why do we still believe in love deep down in our brains, when we are actually heart broken from the top?

Well, the point is, our subconscious mind readily believes in love. And you cannot change anything in your subconscious mind until you bypass the conscious mind. We will go deeper into that condition later, for now lets keep them at the bay.

"Live life with love, or else you die everyday."

 That said, it is more easy to win hearts by love than by hatred, right? I guess I answered most of the questions through this post. Well, now its up to you to decide whether you will continue to associate the heart with love or not. According to me, lets just pretend we do not know the truth and continue linking the heart with love.

After all, who likes "I love you from the deeper part of my brain" than "I love you from the bottom of my heart"? 

Sources : Wikipedia, Yahoo! Answers