To The Core
Monday, May 15, 2017
Switch over to my new blog! (discontinuing this)
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Life's like this. (hope this gets to you)
Not always will things go like,
How you wished they would,
People who you call family,
Will leave you, if they could.
Know why?
Cause they call you their bestie,
You turn back, they say,
Who the fuck was she?
Dear Friend,
Know who the real peeps are,
For they will give up everything,
They have for what you wanna become!
They will be beside you,
On your every war,
Until death makes them numb.
Dear You,
Things have been tough lately?
Two guardiangels who should've been,
Aren't together no more,
Lost and confused, you don't know where to go!
Scared, yet you are here!
Battling it out with your worst fear.
Pat yourself on your back,
Because you deserve good,
And much more than that.
Hey Cortana,
Life is not what you think it is,
For there is more darkness than good,
More anger than the fight for food,
People betray one and another,
Don't care about you,
Not me neither.
I'm being brutally honest,
You think everyone knows you,
Turn back, they ask
Who the fuck were you?
Hey friend,
I'm sorry if I couldn't be the one,
You thought I'd be,
I ran too fast, yet couldn't see.
I know you need someone,
To help you through your thick and thin,
Support you and lift your chin!
Hey you,
Don't worry cause the haters don't matter no more,
Find out the peeps who really care,
And do keep them close,
Because they are the ones,
That truly matter,
To you and me, do that
And you shall see,
That everything happens for the best,
When you know with who you gotta be!
- Aekansh Dixit.
Friday, January 9, 2015
The Eye Opener
Yeah, you might be thinking what a boring guy I used to be. Well, apparently you're wrong on this one, pal. I used to have the same amount of fun that my other "funky" friends had. I too had a girlfriend, I too used to watch many movies with my friends, I too used to go out for dinner, and used to attend every field trip and flirt a lot and everything that makes you look cool.
I need to make a change. And I'll tell you my New Year's resolution.
"Make small commitments than big promises."
And maybe that will help me. Maybe I should start small. Everyone knows one good speech and one good thought can not really change everything if we don't build on that idea. Okay, let's start small. Let me start by prioritizing stuff. And of course, studies should be the main priority.
And then, how do we go about studying if we have a person running all over our head and so many problems and pressures? Let's start small. Let's start by a page. Yes, today, I'll study a page. I'll make sure I understand everything. And then tomorrow two pages, then five, then ten, and then a whole lesson! We need to keep growing. We can't get stuck. At the end of the day, everyday we should learn something or do something productive that will change our life and that's what is life all about.
I want to apologize to my dad. For all the times I have let him down. I want to be honest with him. I really don't belong here. And I really don't want to go where they want me to. I want to be something else.
You are seriously bored no? Let me talk, please?
I want to start small. Maybe a good start will be by not doing anything wrong consciously? Listen, the good habits aren't gone. It's just subdued. Know how it feels when you stand up and wish your teacher in the class and no one else does that and then they start laughing at you because you were singing that "Good Morneeeeeng Maaaaam" song all alone? Sometimes it's the people around us.
Yes, one more point. Company does matter too. I have a lot of friends. But I have only few "good" friends. It's true that the type of friend you make is most likely what you think you are. That's how we connect right?
Remember? "We become best friends the moment I do something crazy and I don't have to explain why I did that."
Interesting. I hope this blog post helped you. In some way or the other. It's never too late to start something good you know? And honestly, if you ask me why I want to earn money in life, I'll reply:
"I want to earn money in life, so that I can give it."
Help others. Be good. Be you. Lead a life with example. Know where you come from. Respect your country. Respect everyone. Keep your culture and ethics with you. Be in your limits. Stay fresh. And make small commitments than big promises, and I'm sure all of us will change one day.
***
"Dude, my stop is coming!" my bus mate tells.
"Sorry man. I must have bored you like crazy with this random stuff right?"
"No da, it actually made sense!"
"Oh, thanks."
"Bye!"
"Take care."
Monday, December 15, 2014
Maps
"The tragedy is not that the people do not love us but because we fall in love with those who are not able to love us."
"WHAT???" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The phone slipped from my hand. It fell down with a thud so loud that my heart skipped a beat. My eye sight blurred. The very thought of imagining her in that condition left me dead inside out.
Panicking was the only thing I could do - and did. I reached the spot in an impatient fifteen minutes. Those fifteen minutes were probably the most, the most, THE MOST longest fifteen minutes of my whole lifetime.
"Where's it? Where's it?" I asked every random stranger my eyes could see "Where's the fucking emergency room?" I couldn't keep sight of my direction as I was walking clumsily. Somebody held my hand and directed me towards that room - don't remember who that person was. I wish I could thank him - but I had better jobs to do.
I looked at her. Covered in blood. Her eyes as wide as a church door, but probably suggesting something completely opposite. The idea wasn't clear - my mind couldn't interpret it. I looked at her - and just couldn't stop looking. I could't and didn't think of anything. Didn't talk, din't believe, didn't ask, didn't move - just looked. My eyesight was blurred again as my knees lost the power to handle my weight.
Somebody picked me up, but I punched him. I was angry. This couldn't be happening. No, not at this time! Not when everything was going to be fine! Not when she promised me she'll be there. Not when I found my love. Not, just not now! I shouted, I cried, and she just looked at me - expressionless.
I felt dizzy. I punched the wall.
"This couldn't be happening!" I scream but my voice died inside my throat. Too scared to even reach her ears. "How the fuck did this happen? What happened to her!!! REVIVE HER! FUCKING DOCS!!"
I shouted, looked at the doctors, even pulled one's collar, the guards ran towards me to stop me. I punched one of them. Someone grabbed my left hand - I kick him and fall to the ground as I hear the bullet pierce through my tibia. I cry. I cry. I cry. I look up, the bright light fade into darkness, The light bulb on the top wasn't bothering me any more.
I try getting up. I look at her. I want to touch her. I collapse.
***
No, I didn't die. No - I didn't lose consciousness. No I didn't faint. I collapsed. Mentally. All my brain cells were so tightly tangled inside - and on top of each other that I could't do anything about it. I was thinking, but couldn't move myself. I was listening - but couldn't respond. I was seeing - but couldn't believe.
I gathered all the strength I had, to get up. The blood loss wasn't bothering me. The guards had me on a a stretcher. I broke through them and just before slipping from my own blood I managed to grab hold of the bed's corner. I get up. I look at her. Into her eyes - like I had never seen them.
They were telling me something. They were scared. They were't closed. They had fear. They needed someone to make them believe in life again. They needed somebody to love. They needed me. They loved me. They needed me. And when I'm here for her - she's not.
Now when I need her, she's not. Now when I need to re-believe, she's not here. Now when I need to love her, she's not here. Now when I'm giving it my hundred percent, she's not here. This is not fair. Life is not fair. It was never.
I finally fall on the ground for one last time. My eyes shut, and my heart beats dropped. Later, my body was placed right next to hers. I had to. I couldn't evade it. It was the promise I made to her. To be there for her till the end. It was the promise I made to myself. To be there for her, even after the end.
And after all, "I was just following the map that leads to you!"
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Twisted Turbulence
The things she thought she said magnificently,
Scared scarred stared like a star,
Cautiously carefully cured by her chocolate bar,
Moved grooved huffed and puffed,
Lovingly lover love was who she loved,
Doubt crowd fear and tear,
Things she said saying sayings that I hear,
Ignoringly ignoring me like ignoring her ignore,
Knowing the knowledge she knows,
Winding wind winding around her skin as the wind blows,
Twisting turning tumbling and tossing she gets me in the bed,
She's a troublesome troublemaker causing troubling trouble in my head,
She's a twisted turbulence!
- Aekansh Dixit.